When you work, in any job, you get feedback, right?  When I was in school I got grades on papers and report cards, all telling me (and my parents) how I was doing.  Feedback.  When I was teaching, my principal would observe my lessons and give me an evaluation.  Feedback.  I can think back to any job – nannying, day camp counselor, babysitter…there was always feedback in the form of “my kids love coming” or “you need to do this” or “can you babysit again.”  Always feedback.

Now, I’m a mom.  A stay at home mom.  The feedback I get now is, “I need underwear, we are out of milk, the dog peed on the floor.”  My days are measured in loads done, meals made, toilets scrubbed, drop offs and pick ups.  Don’t get me wrong, I would absolutely not change this season.  I love that I can drop my kids off at school and pick them up and ask how their day was.  I love that we can chat and eat a meal and we are not rushed through it (most days).  I love that I know when they sneak clean clothes in with the dirty because I am here to see what they wear every day.  I love it.

But as much as I love it, it’s hard.  You don’t often hear that you are doing a great job.  There is no report card for the mom.  If you’re anything like me, you put one foot in front of the other, you do the best you can and pray.  You pray that your kids are kind and generous and loving.  You pray that you get everything done that needs to be.  You pray that you make it to practice on time.  You pray that they go to bed.  You pray that you can stay awake to have a conversation with your husband.  You pray.

But despite all the praying, isn’t it easy to see all the ways we fail?  I’m not sure about you but I fail on a daily (hourly) basis.  I fail in keeping up with the house (don’t bring your white gloves).  I fail parenting my kids (I have stories).  I fail at eating right (something I never had to worry about until my metabolism bid farewell around 35).  Then it’s a vicious cycle, I fail because I’m not setting a good example for my kids (because I don’t love brussels sprouts either) and then I just fail them.  The struggle is real.

So what do we do with the lack of feedback and the screaming of failing?  I don’t have an answer other than fight like hell.  We pray and we hold our people close and we tell our people our junk and we love them when they tell us theirs.  We are real and we talk it through.  The mamas need to stick together.  We need each other and not for pats on the back and fake smiles but for real, authentic conversation.  We need each other for the long haul because our babies don’t sleep and our toddlers are 2 and 3 and our elementary school kids have math.  And don’t get me started on jr. high or high school.  We need real.

So, let’s stop every once in a while and have coffee or ice cream or a margarita.  Let’s talk it through like real people because you can Pinterest all you want but I don’t buy that your life is a magazine shoot where your kids are perfectly dressed and well behaved all the time.  I don’t buy that you and your husband never have “discussions” or drive each other nuts.  I don’t buy perfection because it doesn’t exist for any of us.  Look at that,  common ground!  You aren’t perfect and neither am I!

Bottom line, we need people and if you don’t have them, get them.  Shoot, call me.  Email me.  I will be your person.  We need to stick together because the world is too hard without real people.  I’ll give you feedback and if I can’t, I’ll pray.  I know a guy who is good with everything.