When I quit my job last year I really thought by the fall, maybe end of 2025, I would have the “what’s next” part figured out.
I’ve applied for jobs and there were some strong contenders in there but no yeses yet. (And some of those opportunities, I am still not quite over.) But, if I say I’m going to trust God to guide me to what is best, I need to trust him with all of it.
I would tell people last year and even this year that I was holding my hands open and letting Him guide me but now I’m wondering if I started to close them. It wasn’t an intentional thing, maybe just out of frustration or disappointment? And it isn’t that I don’t trust Him; I just didn’t make the conscious, consistent choice to keep holding them open. It’s a poor comparison but I think of Moses holding his hands up during battle (Exodus 17). “When Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, but whenever his put his had down, Amalek prevailed” (Exodus 17:11). It took Aaron and Hur to support Moses’s hands when he got tired. Maybe I needed someone to help remind me to hold my hands open. Certainly I am capable of holding them open on my own but I needed someone to remind me not to let them slowly close.
So, I decide again today to hold my hands open, waiting for the Lord to work on my behalf. I am confident he is already working in ways I am unable to see. I will remain in this waiting room, even though the air is starting to get stale and I’ve heard the same songs a million times on repeat, but with a renewed sense that there is purpose here and maybe I am missing it. I’ll keep asking, keep seeking, and keep discovering…after all, isn’t there always something to discover?
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