Tag: faith

The Wait

Katy MordkaLeave a comment

When I quit my job last year I really thought by the fall, maybe end of 2025, I would have the “what’s next” part figured out.

I’ve applied for jobs and there were some strong contenders in there but no yeses yet. (And some of those opportunities, I am still not quite over.) But, if I say I’m going to trust God to guide me to what is best, I need to trust him with all of it.

I would tell people last year and even this year that I was holding my hands open and letting Him guide me but now I’m wondering if I started to close them. It wasn’t an intentional thing, maybe just out of frustration or disappointment? And it isn’t that I don’t trust Him; I just didn’t make the conscious, consistent choice to keep holding them open. It’s a poor comparison but I think of Moses holding his hands up during battle (Exodus 17). “When Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, but whenever his put his had down, Amalek prevailed” (Exodus 17:11). It took Aaron and Hur to support Moses’s hands when he got tired. Maybe I needed someone to help remind me to hold my hands open. Certainly I am capable of holding them open on my own but I needed someone to remind me not to let them slowly close.

So, I decide again today to hold my hands open, waiting for the Lord to work on my behalf. I am confident he is already working in ways I am unable to see. I will remain in this waiting room, even though the air is starting to get stale and I’ve heard the same songs a million times on repeat, but with a renewed sense that there is purpose here and maybe I am missing it. I’ll keep asking, keep seeking, and keep discovering…after all, isn’t there always something to discover?

Katy MordkaLeave a comment

When I look back on the 2025, there’s a lot. There were a lot of moments of joy and celebration and there were also moments of heartbreak. The good ones are easy to reflect on, easy to show gratitude for- kids thriving and doing what they are meant to do, family time, friends that gather around, time with Adam, vacations and just every day moments of joy- those are easy because they are wrapped up in the good stuff.

The moments of heartbreak are more difficult to reflect on. I don’t really want to remember the heartbreak and the moments where I thought I wouldn’t get back up. I don’t want to remember the hurt and I definitely don’t want to be thankful for the hard. At the end of the school year, when I was asked over and over (and over and over) what was next for me, I didn’t know. I didn’t have an answer for those people but I did think I would have it figured out by now. I truly thought I would have some job that filled me with purpose, that I was passionate about; but not yet.

In the moments where I get frustrated or anxious that things haven’t gone like I thought, I try to remind myself that this time I have is a gift. It has given me space to drink my coffee at a slower pace and really read my Bible. I have time to sit and think and reflect, and I don’t want to waste that. I guess what I’m saying, is that as hard as the hard has been, I am thankful for it. I wouldn’t have the perspective I have today without it. I wouldn’t be able to pray the way I do today, without it. Nothing would be the same. There is nothing wasted with God and I am seeing that more and more.

So what’s next? I am not completely sure. I have ideas of what I think would be great but I am holding my hands open just wanting to go where God wants me. For now, I will give thanks for the sweet moments and the hard moments. (I will need to be reminded to give thanks for the hard moments by tomorrow, I’m sure.) I have no clue where you are with gratitude or the moments in your life but I pray that you can see the bigger picture God has for you and those around you. If you are in the hard, I pray that you feel held and comforted. If you are in the sweet, I pray that you can give thanks for those moments. I pray that all of us can see the Lord’s fingerprints on our lives today.

Mountaintops and Valleys

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Last month, I spent a day at our church’s high school camp. My husband had to be in Flagstaff for work so I went with him and while he was at the office, I hung out with my friends at camp. (By the way, I LOVE camp with students!)

During worship, they sang the song, “Owe You Praise” (Elevation Worship & Chandler Moore). I’m sure you can tell by the name that it is about praise. The first few lines get me-
“You woke me up this morning
Yeah, my cup is overflowing
You have blessed me and I know it
So I owe you my praise”
There are no truer words.

Then the chorus-
“When I think of all you’ve done
When I think of all you’ve brought me through
When I think about your love
I could never say enough thank yous”

Something hit me that day. I find myself in a valley, confused and a little lost as to “what’s next” but also on the mountaintop, so grateful for this life. I am at a time in my life where I am keenly aware of how amazing the Lord is and how he has blessed me. It’s weird to be on the mountain and in the valley but I am so, so thankful for it. I am doing my best not to rush through the valley, not trying to get out of it on my own. I am doing my best to lean in to the Lord and learn what he has for me in this. But while I’m there, it doesn’t have to be crisis mode. I can take those mountaintop moments- laughing with my family, one on one time with my kids, time with friends, time with the Lord, Saturday nights with junior highers- all of those moments are amazing and I am so thankful for them.

God is so, so good. I am doing my best to trace his goodness in my life. I think it’s easy to see that goodness on the mountaintop but harder in the valley. Some of the times that have been the hardest have also been the sweetest. It is a gift to see God’s goodness in the valley.

I’m not sure if you can relate to the whole “being in 2 places at once” thing; it’s a weird place to be. I can be thankful on the mountaintops and in the valleys. God is good not some of the time, but all of the time. Sometimes we don’t immediately see it but his goodness is there and I am thankful for that. I also don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to miss one moment. Maybe I’ll write more about the moments- I am going to try and literally trace his goodness in my life which will be hard at times and easier at others but it always leads back to his provision, care, and love for me.