Author: Katy Mordka

I’m in the middle of Jennie Allen’s book, Made for This. It is a study, designed to walk you through different questions and activities to discover the purpose God has for you. (I’m not doing it justice with that description by the way…you should just read it and see for yourself!)

If you know me, you know I’m a pretty big fan of hers because she is real. There is an authenticity that comes through her words on the page and if you hear her speak, her heart aches for you to understand the message. I share her ache. The ache you have for someone to just get it! And not because you’re telling them, because you’ve experienced it.

She is big on discipling. After all, that is what we are supposed to do, right? She puts an emphasis on other women discipling younger women as well, because we have something to share. I learned this first hand.

I spent last weekend in South Carolina with an amazing group of women, leading at The Well. (Something we refer to as “not your average women’s retreat.”) I am so incredibly fortunate to lead with an amazing group of women. These friends come for you and say the tough stuff when it is needed. And even though it is the tough stuff, it is it bathed in love. And it isn’t all serious- we laugh more than most! It is a privilege to stand beside women who are a season or two ahead of me, and a season or two behind me.

After this weekend away, I am even more convinced that we need to stop worrying about having it all figured out before we share our story. First, we won’t ever achieve it- that’s perfection and it is unattainable. Second, they need to hear what we’ve been through, struggled with, succeeded in. Let someone else learn from your story.

There are three girls, ages 18-20, who I love so, so dearly! They are the real deal! They are wise beyond their years and walk so closely with the Lord. You can see His love ooze from them. I am pretty sure I see His smile in theirs.

It would be really easy for me to keep all the stupid mistakes and gross parts of my story under wraps because I don’t want them (or anyone) to think bad of me. I don’t want anyone to question my love and devotion to Jesus. But, those three amazing girls sat there and told all of us (old ladies) how thankful they were for our authenticity. They need to see other Christian women speaking the hard stuff. And we get real. There is no hiding on this team of women. We talked about dating and marriage and kids and how we struggled.

So back to Made for This– Jennie uses 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 which says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort of we ourselves receive from God.”

You guys! This verse tells us we need to share our stories. We need to offer the comfort we have received because someone else needs it as well. Think of it this way, walking through stuff gives you street cred. Urban Dictionary defines street credibility as “commanding a level of respect in an urban environment due to experience in or knowledge of issues affecting those environments.” Your stuff is a gift.  It doesn’t feel like a gift and you may not see it as one, but someone else will benefit from it if you let them. If you share it, they will share it, and you can comfort!

Jesus had street cred. He was fully God but he was also fully man. He felt pain and probably skinned his knee a time or two. He fasted for 40 days and 40 nights so of course he felt hunger. He was betrayed and denied by his closest friends.  He knows what we are walking through on this earth. And by allowing troubles to come to us, He is giving us two gifts.  The first is the gift of coming to Him with our junk.  He knows all the things, He has experienced it all and He tells us to bring our burdens to Him. He wants to carry then for us and He is walking next to us. He holds you by His mighty right hand.  The second is allowing our junk for someone else’s benefit.  We may get to the other side or we may not, but we can be honest and walk alongside someone else.  We have the street cred now and it can a gift to someone else.  He is giving us time with Him and giving us the ability to show someone else how faithful He is because of what we’ve walked through.

What are you going to do? The beauty of God is that He gives us choices. Are you going to own your street cred?  Are you going to see it as a blessing or another thing that has gone wrong? Remember, God works ALL things together for good.

Share your stuff. Someone needs to hear it! God gave you the street cred to use for His glory.

So it has obviously been a while since I’ve written anything on here.  I mean, not years, but it has been a few months and that is more than I’d like.  I intended for this to be like therapy…but a lot cheaper.  I intended to write a lot more than I have.  And I often have ideas for posts that pop in my head but I never get to writing them and then the thought passes…and so do my intentions.

My grandma always said, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  (And yes, I know it is an old proverb.) I don’t know about you, but those are some true words.  I intended to lose weight so I could be more active with my kids but wait…life happened and now they’re teens and we’re beyond that.  I intended to save money to pay cash for the car but wait…life happened and now I’ve got a car payment.  I intended to talk to that person about Jesus but wait…life happened and I didn’t.  And what happens to the person who may not know Jesus???

All I’m saying is that we can intend until the cows come home but it is time to put our money where our mouth is.  If Jesus intended to die on the cross but then decided he was good and life happened and he liked hanging out with the disciples…where would we be?

And please know, I am writing this more for myself than anyone else.  (Remember, therapy.)  I have been struck with the word discipline lately because I’m the queen of intentions that end up as anything but actions.  I am having to take every second of the day and evaluate what I’m doing.  And what is important.  I don’t want my health to decline because I skipped the gym.  I don’t want to miss moments with my kids because I’m on social media.  I don’t want to blow the budget because I didn’t plan ahead.   I don’t want to miss what Jesus is speaking to me because I didn’t get up early and make time to listen.  And I don’t want to miss doing something I like (this blog) because I sat on the couch with Netflix.

So, here we go friends.  I may write deep and I may write random but my goal is to write…more than once every 3 months.  It is going to take discipline and I’m not going to be perfect but I sure will try.  So…happy Tuesday!  May our intentions become actions!!

December is a time for reflection.  If you’re like me, you did a lot of it.

I reflected on Christ’s birth.  A lot. I even wrote a blog post in my head, and it was pretty good.  Too bad it didn’t make it beyond there.

The long and short of it was, Matthew 1:23- “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’).”

Immanuel- God with us.

What I was and continue to mull around is, am I living like that?  Do I live a “God with me” life?  And if I’m honest, I don’t, not all the time.  For me, it is easier to act this way when there is a big problem. When I’m faced with something that I cannot possibly accomplish, I am constantly reminded that I need God.  I need him with me.  But when it is the day to day – good, bad, right, wrong, happy, sad – what then?  I am pretty focused on myself – the to do list, the kids, the house, the stuff.  So how can this change?

How can I take Immanuel through the whole year, not just in December?  I don’t know.  If I had the answer, I wouldn’t be asking the question.

Here’s what I do know…and this brings me back to the reflection but also looking forward to a new year…I’ve got some things that need to change.  I not only need, I desire to start my day in the presence of the Almighty.  I want to learn more of his character and I want him to be with me.  I KNOW he is with me always.  The bible is very clear that he will never leave me or forsake me. I have the head knowledge but I don’t always let it transfer to my heart.  I KNOW that starting my day with Jesus is the absolute best way to start so why don’t I?

For one, sleep.  I am a horrible sleeper.  I wake up so many times a night, I don’t get good sleep and I wake up tired.  I know ways to change this.  I can go to bed earlier, for one.  I know that eliminating certain food from my diet help as well.  So, what’s stopping me?  Comfort.  If I’m being honest, I’m comfortable in the “go to bed when I want, eat what I think I need to get me through the day.” (Read- eat a lot of sugar and drink a lot of caffeine.)  No wonder I don’t sleep well.  But it is hard to change, so that has stopped me.  I mean, sugar is not easy to quit and to be honest, I like ice cream.  I like ice cream more than a lot of things (and people).  So, I come to these cross roads- am I going to do what I KNOW is the best and God’s best for me or am I going to stick in my comfort zone?

Another thing that keeps me from getting up and starting my day with Jesus is worrying that my kids (read- my youngest) will get up. They’ll see the light and get up and then my time is ruined.  Sounds like a big pity party, right?  Instead, I need to coach my kids that when I’m in my spot (which I have picked out and even bought a lamp so I can see in the morning) I’m not available.  Emergencies are fine but I’m not available to make breakfast or talk or anything like that.  I can invite them to get a book and come read with me.  I can invite them in and maybe if they see me spending time with Jesus, they’ll want to as well.  And if my kids can start their day the right way and be filled the right way, I have done something right.

I have a lot of goals for the year.  And as December brings reflection, January brings action. What is it about January that says, “You’ve totally got this.”  I’m not sure but there is something magic about the calendar changing years.  A fresh start.  A new attitude.  Possibility.  Hope.

Hope.  Jesus is hope.  And Jesus is Immanuel.  There is always hope when God is with us.  So, I challenge you to go through 2019 like a Jesus loving, hope giving, God with you, boss.  Call me on it when I’m throwing a pity party and acting like the sky is falling. Chicken Little’s got nothing on Jesus.

Here we go.  2019 is upon us and 2018 is in the mirror.  Here are my goals- read at least 1 book a month, stick to a budget, workout, stay off of ladders, and start my day with Jesus.  January is telling us that we’ve got it, but that sentiment doesn’t have to fade because January’s newness does.  Jesus has been telling us we’ve got it, for years.  Don’t you think we should believe it?

Here’s to 2019, friends!  (Insert fist bump, high five, whatever fires you up!)  2019, where we can do all things because Jesus conquered death and did it all for us.  It’s time to get some things done.  Aren’t you excited!!

Have you heard the song, Only Jesus?  It’s a new one from Casting Crowns.

I had my Amazon music on the Elevation Worship channel the other day and all of a sudden this song comes on.  Can I just tell you it speaks to everything I am thinking, feeling, processing right now?

“Make it count, leave a mark, build a name for yourself

Dream your dreams, chase your heart, above all else

Make a name the world remembers”

Isn’t this what we’re told? Leave a legacy, make a mark, make YOUR mark, chase your dreams.

I have to tell you I’ve been on the struggle bus the last few weeks, maybe longer.  I’ve struggled with the fear that my life won’t matter; that I will leave this earth not having made an impact.  Now before you go commenting that my life matters and I’ve made (or will make) an impact, let me stop you because this isn’t’ a compliment fishing post.  I’m not all about that.  If you want to tell me something I won’t stop you, but please know that I am good.

It’s this song.  “Jesus is the ONLY name to remember.”  That right there, crushed every single fear I’ve been holding.  Because at the end of the day, if I haven’t loved people the way Jesus loves me and pointed them back to him, I have failed.

My job on this earth isn’t to set out to accomplish something huge.  My job is to love God and love people from that overflow of love. Sounds really simple, right?  What I’m finding is that it is simple but not easy.

We live in a “do more” world.  To do lists everywhere and check marks galore.  It is where we compare schedules with each other and award ourselves for being busier than the other person but still holding it together.  (Because let’s face it, we all crack at some point.)  But what does all of this matter?  At the end of the day, what did I accomplish if I did not take time to be present with my family?  What did I accomplish if I checked my phone in the middle of our conversation?  (And sadly, yes, I am TOTALLY guilty of that.)  This is why it is not easy…because we are too busy. I am too busy.

The simple part is that all it takes is spending time with Jesus.  We can read and we can talk and we can listen and just be present.  How are we supposed to have a relationship if we aren’t taking the time to cultivate it?  Think about any relationship you have, you have to take the time to be together to get to know one another.  It’s time, which seems to be scarce these days.

I guess what I am trying to say as I somehow find my way through this post is that my life matters because I love Jesus and He loves me.  And it’s because of that love that I can love other people (which I am still working on…I am human).  But I am aware that my mission in life is to love and to be present.  Just putting words to it makes me feel better and less pressured.  I don’t have to do anything grand or great in this life.  When I’m gone, I want people to say that I took time for them and loved them well.  And this starts with my family.  Sadly, they get the leftovers and that is not the way I want it to go.  I have found myself lingering at bedtime with my kids and just talking about random things but I am seeing how creative they still are.  And I am seeing how they get along and work together and it is pretty awesome!  I am having conversations, hard ones sometimes, with my kids and with Adam.  That man is the exact right person for me. God knew it and I am SO thankful for that!  And let’s face it, if I can sit on the couch next to him at the end of the day, I am happy. These are my people and I am going to be better about giving them my best.  They deserve it.

And friends, I want to love you well.  I want to meet needs you may have but I will fail and I will miss something and miss the boat (insert grace).  But please know one area where I won’t miss the boat is if you ask me to pray.  I LOVE praying for my friends.  There is nothing like storming the gates on behalf of someone I love (or a total stranger because I’ve done a lot of that, too)! Please know you are deeply loved and it is not because of who I am, but because of who Jesus is.

Part of transplanting back home is being in the same city as your high school, therefore attending your high school reunion.

It has been 20 years since I had seen most of them in person.  Social media has definitely helped to not make it feel that way but we can all put on a great front of social media.  The people I was closest to in high school are the people I still see on occasion, and I’m good with that.

It wasn’t a big crowd, a fraction of our graduating class really.  We met at a local restaurant and hung out.  I didn’t talk to everyone who walked in the door but I did easily recognize most everyone.  We all looked the same, but older.  It was great catching up with people and I enjoyed the night but I have to say, I am glad it doesn’t happen every month (or every year for that matter).  Every 10 is just fine with me.

After the reunion, when Adam and I were heading home, I immediately felt bad.  I hadn’t talked to everyone and what if those people thought I was a horrible, mean adult.  I didn’t want that.  And as I thought about that “feeling,” I realized that my high school reunion, sent me right back to high school.  I cared about what everyone else thought.  I felt like I was being judged and talked about behind my back.  And what could I do to change someone’s opinion about me?

I woke up in the middle of the night caring about what my fellow Vikings, Class of ’98, thought about me.  Really?!?  I thought I was passed that.  I’m closer to 40 than 35, I have a great husband and 2 awesome kids.  I’ve moved states multiple times, a couple of times knowing no one at all.  I did that, and a lot more.  I am a strong woman and I KNOW who I am.  I KNOW that I am loved beyond measure and saved and secure and known.  I KNOW it all yet I spent a good 12 hours (or longer) back in that place of trying to please others and caring what they thought.

It is not a fun place to be.  It wasn’t fun in high school and it is not fun as an adult- especially when you know better!  But, at the end of the day, I know the truth.  And I will still see those fellow Vikings on social media and we will all put on a good front because that’s what we do on social media.  And it won’t be until our 30 year reunion that I will see most of them again. For now, I will go back to my life.  The life I am blessed to live.  The life where I get to love my family well and raise 2 amazing humans.  The life where I enjoy my husband more than ever before.  I will still seek what the Lord wants for me, and minister to women in whatever capacity he calls me to.  I will live this one life well and I will love what is in front of me.

This experience of the feelings flooding back has given me perspective and has caused me to do a lot of thinking.  I have reflected a lot on “those days” and what I was like.  I’ve come to the conclusion that I was even more insecure than I realized.  Adam has always said the most attractive quality in a woman is confidence, and boy have I lacked that in my life.  The definition of confidence is “the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.”  How is one supposed to be confident when one does not know the truth.  I was never going to be confident in high school because I was relying on the truth of other’s, to be my truth.  The truth that looked at the outward qualities and defined me.  The truth that told me time and again I wasn’t quite good enough- close but there was always someone better.

When you look to others for your truth, you become who they want you to be.  You change and ebb and flow and become insecure because yesterday’s truth may not be today’s.  Hold your breath because you don’t know what today will hold.  Does this outfit look ok?  Did I study enough for the test?  And let’s extend it because as women, it is easy to look to other’s for our truth. Was dinner good?  Did I buy the right shirt for my daughter?  Will I fit in at the PTO meeting?  This isn’t just isolated to jr high or high school.  It isn’t isolated to our daughter’s or our son’s.  This is us and it is the world we live in.

Someone is always going to be telling you something.  What you have to decide is whether you’re going to accept it as truth or not.  What do you use to measure truth?  If you don’t have a good measuring stick, might I suggest a little book called the Bible.  There’s a whole lot packed into those pages!  For me, I know that I was created by God.  He knit me together and knows the hairs on my head.  He knows my thoughts and my tomorrows.  And even better, He holds it all for me.  I choose to measure my truth by His words.  Do a google search, “what does the Bible say about ____?”  The Bible says, if you seek, you will find.  So today, and tomorrow and next week- go out and seek your truth.  Hold it close.  Memorize it.  Know it backward and forward.  Tell someone about it.  Because the day after tomorrow or the week after next, someone is going to be there to tell you a different truth.  And if you aren’t holding close to God’s truth, you may get taken right back to untruth.  What are you going to believe?  Or rather, WHO are you going to believe?

September 11, 2001 didn’t start out as a horrible day in America.  I woke up in my apartment in Flagstaff, AZ and got ready for my 8am class.  It was my last semester before student teaching and I was engaged and living with 3 roommates in a 2 bedroom (tiny) apartment.  It was the best of times.

That morning, I called Adam because it was an “anniversary” for us.  You see, our first date was 2 years before 9/11/99, so I called to remind him of that and tell him I loved him.  On the other end I was greeted with “don’t you have the news on?”  Not exactly the response I was hoping for but I turned the news on and was immediately horrified.  In an instant that day changed for everyone living in the US.  In an instant, it became the worst of times.

No words can describe the scenes and the horrific acts from that day.  The people who were lost and the families that were forever impacted – I have no words.  I mourn with you and remember your loved ones- daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, grandparents, friends, mentors.  Good, good people were lost that day for no good reason.

The silver lining, as cliché as that sounds, was seeing people from all over step up and take care of one another.  It didn’t matter where you grew up or what color your skin was or what you believed, people jumped in.  It didn’t matter how much money you had or what your political affiliation was, people helped.

Today, 17 years later, our country is more divided than ever.  We claim tolerance yet we are less tolerant than ever.  We claim to accept yet we are less accepting than ever.  We all have our beliefs, views, and opinions and that is what makes us who we are.  We will never agree on everything 100%.  It will not happen, we weren’t wired for that.  But we need to step back and understand that while we may not agree, we don’t have to hate one another.

The political climate is appalling.  We are failing our kids.  We are teaching them that if people don’t see eye to eye with us, they are wrong.  We are teaching our kids to fear other opinions and we are teaching them that their’s is the only one that matters.  We are raising a selfish, entitled generation and that is our problem.  We, as parents and teachers and aunts and uncles and grandparents and people, owe it to the generation that is looking up to us, to be better.

Let’s look back to the days following 9/11 where we stood for one thing and loved people no matter what and held doors open and said hello and thought about people other than ourselves.  We owe it to the people who were lost on that horrible day, to do better than they encountered.

This world, this life, is not all about us.  We are supposed to love people and I don’t care if you believe in God or believe in Jesus, like I do.  You are still capable of loving people.  You are still capable of listening to another opinion and respectfully disagreeing.  As a Christian, I am called to love God and love people.  I don’t always do it well, but I am trying.  I am not fearful of your differing opinions.  I am frustrated when I am not allowed to share my opinion because you are fearful of it.

Let’s get it together people!  We have one life here, just one.  What kind of legacy do you want to leave?  Let’s take this 9/11 anniversary and think about those who were lost and the legacy they left.  Some good, some maybe not.  Some died as heroes.  Straight up bosses, that didn’t think of themselves or their families but of the greater good.  Let’s be bosses today and every day!  Let’s get behind each other and support each other.  Let’s love each other like never before.  It’s about time!

Oh, and 19 years ago, I went on a date having no idea what it would become…I’m a pretty lucky girl.

It’s the night before the first day of school in our house and I am sitting with my swollen foot up (ladder issue still…who knew it was broken all that time!) and my kids are making their own lunches.  Can I just tell you how hard this is for me?!?!

When I was in high school and you asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have said “be a mom.”  I like making cookies for my kids, I enjoy cooking them good food, I like searching Pinterest for cool ideas, and I generally like them – especially on “first days.”  (First day of school, and I am crying and can’t believe how old they are getting.  First day of summer and we are going to have all the fun!  Don’t ask about the last days…that’s a whole different story!)

I have always taken great care in packing those first day of school lunches, complete with a note.  (I like sticking notes in every once in a while…I don’t do it every day though…especially toward those last days.)  I like making sure they have enough protein and some fruit and veggies and its full of things they will actually eat.  So sitting while they did it themselves was hard.  I mean, really hard.  Those voices come in that say I don’t really care about them; that I am a horrible mother and their whole school year is going to be ruined now because I didn’t make their lunch.

See the lies creeping in there?  See how I have built up the Pinterest mom in my mind?  See how jacked my thinking can be sometimes?  Sheesh!

The flip side of this is that my kids wanted to pack their lunches.  They were excited about it!  It was exciting for them and that’s what matters.  My kids are growing up and they are able to do more on their own and I need to let them, especially when they want to!  And I am making this about me instead of them, what expectations I have for myself vs. what is fun for them.  We’ve watched a lot of Master Chef Jr. this summer and they want to make their own food.  Why is it so hard for me to get out-of-the-way and let them?!?

Bottom line, their school year isn’t going to be ruined because I didn’t pack their lunch on the first day.  It’s a memory for them, and one for me as well.  And I’m pretty sure they still love me and have never expected the Pinterest lunch box, ever.  I have 2 pretty great humans whom I love more than anything, especially when they pack their own lunch! 😉

So happy lunch packing, friends!!  Here’s to a great school year where we cut ourselves some slack and just enjoy all the things.

Ok, in case you live outside the great state of Arizona, you may have missed that we’ve had a teacher walk out the last week.  School districts have been closed for 5 days (some less) and ours is slated to reopen tomorrow.  I know MANY teachers and MANY kids who will be happy to go back and finish the year strong!

Let me first say, I am for teachers.  I am for public education.  I am for increased funding.  I am for it all.  I was a public school teacher.  My mom retired from a public school.  My sister works in a public school.  We are all pro public education.  We LOVE our teachers and support them 100%.  We are pro Red for Ed.  I believe what teachers have accomplished in the last couple months is incredible.  They stood up and got noticed and influenced our state’s budget  They are incredible people and I am happy that they are the ones influencing my kids!

Also, in case you aren’t aware…this is a HIGHLY emotional thing.  There are many people on both sides of the Red for Ed stuff who have gotten ugly.  I don’t like reading that teachers are selfish.  If by selfish, you mean wanting to be able to pay their bills and not have additional jobs, then yes, they are selfish.  This is not my definition.  They are not asking for more money for a new expensive car.  They are asking for more money so they can put meals on the table and so their kids can be involved in extracurricular sports and lessons.  And let’s be real…part of the raise they get will go directly back into their classrooms because that’s how they roll.  They want what we want for our kids.  If you think there is a selfish teacher, come do their job for a day.

On the flip side, I don’t love seeing teachers blast parents because they want their kids back in the classroom.  I don’t love seeing teachers bully other teachers to stay out of the classroom or tell parents not to send their kids to school when it opens.  I don’t love seeing teachers call politicians names just because they don’t agree.  I don’t love seeing teachers yell because they didn’t get 100% of what they demanded.

The education system in Arizona didn’t break in a year or even 5.  This is a decades old problem and it will take time to fix.  In my opinion, this is a GREAT start!  You are getting a raise next year and there is additional money that districts can distribute.  Now, we continue to make education on the frontline and we stay on our districts to allocate that money to the greatest needs.  Just because not everything happened perfectly this time, doesn’t mean it never will.  This is a great start!  It is not over!

Neither side is perfect.  We live in an imperfect world, that’s just a fact.

So, here’s what I’ve learned…

• Don’t take any Facebook post or online article at face value.  Do your due diligence and read up.  I got caught up in blasting at the legislature simply because I wasn’t smart enough to know how it all worked.  Shame on me.
• Engage in the process.  Let’s never sit back and allow billions of dollars to be cut again.  Let’s be active participants in the process and hold our elected officials accountable.  They will meet with us if we ask and are polite.  Let’s not treat them with disrespect because then they won’t respect us.  We need to have mutual respect to get things done.  Would you want to meet with someone who blasted you all the time?  I wouldn’t.
• There were kids who were “hurt” in this walk out.  There were events that kids had worked on for months that were canceled and that makes me so sad.
• On the flip side, there are also kids who learned a lot.  I tried to engage my kids in understanding some of what went on and I could have done WAY better but hey, there’s always room for improvement.
• Know someone who is smarter than you.  I have a really smart friend who has done a whole lot for this movement and she has explained a lot and dealt with my stupid questions but patiently answered them.
• Think for yourself.  I have to say that one thing that made me sad was hearing teachers saying “they told me to take days off.”  While I understand and appreciate the gravity of the situation and what was needed, I do not think they should be told what is best for them.  Be your own person.  If you think you need to call in 3 more days, do it.  If you think it’s time to go back to school, do it.  Be you and stand strong.
• Ignore the stupid people.  Don’t retaliate with words.  You can’t reason with stupid.
• Think logically not emotionally.  Having no school for 5 days while your husband is traveling is not fun…I thought emotionally plenty, mostly “get my kids back to school because I need some quiet moments.”  But we all need to use the logical side that God gave us.
• Above all else, respect.  I may not agree 100% with what you say and you many not agree 100% with what I say but that doesn’t mean we need to name call and assume things.  Respect each other’s decisions and don’t try to influence them.  If you are not asked for your opinion, don’t give it.  As a parent, if I ask my teachers “should I send my kids if school opens again?” then they should give an opinion.  But if I do not ask that, don’t tell me to keep my kids home.  Respect.  We are lacking it something serious.  All you need to do is watch the news.  We call politicians all different kinds of names while discouraging our kids from calling other kids names.  Why is it ok for us but not them?  It’s time to practice what we preach and respect ALL people, whether you like them or not.

So…these are just a few of my thoughts.  For one, I am THRILLED my kids are going back to school and I can get caught up on some things.  I am THRILLED that more money is going to education next year.  My sister deals with some tough kids and she deserves a raise!!  I also know that it is NOT finished.  Now is our time to engage in the process and keep the momentum moving forward.  Keep supporting our teachers and our kids – it’s these kids who are going to be running things when we’re old.

On Wednesdays we wear Red for Ed.

In case you’ve not been brought up to speed, the public education system in Arizona is not great…and that’s being generous.

For one, our teachers make next to nothing.  My first teaching job in Arizona was the school year of 2002-2003.  My starting salary was somewhere around 26-28k.  (I can’t remember.)  What I do remember is that after paying taxes and benefits and supplying my classroom, I would not have been able to live on my own.  Even if it was just me, on my own…not going to happen.

Now you may look at that and say “teachers spend their money on their classrooms but they are just buying the extra things they want.”  Well, let me paint you a picture of my first classroom.  25 student desks, 1 teachers desk, a table, a computer, white boards, and maybe a couple of bookshelves.  Oh, and some construction paper in the closet.  The school supplied the furniture for my classroom.  That was all.  I was fortunate to work at a school with a PTO that gave new teachers a couple hundred dollars to help off set the cost but when you are a teacher, you know a couple hundred dollars doesn’t go far.  There are books and bulletin boards (especially in the primary grades, which I was in) and white boards for students and paper that helps them learn to write and books that help you teach (no Pinterest or Ed sharing sites back then).  There is SO much.

Another issue is that because we aren’t paying teachers a livable wage, they are leaving the profession or moving out-of-state to teach where they can make a living.  This leads to a teacher shortage (which we definitely have) and everyone and their brother being certified because the state is desperate.  This means that people who are not highly trained are often times the ones teaching our kids.  Now, don’t misunderstand me, there are those not highly trained who are amazing teachers and there are teachers who are highly trained who are awful (I’ve seen both situations).  My point is, this would NEVER fly in another profession.  “Hey, we don’t have enough doctors.  You put a band-aid on someone once, sure here’s your medical license.”  Yes, that is an extreme example but don’t we want the best people teaching our kids now so that when they do become doctors they are not only amazing doctors but amazing humans?

My 5th grader doesn’t go to art anymore.  Middle of the year, no more art.  (Which she loves, by the way.)  And why?  Because the schedule had to be changed and the art teacher needed to each lunch so no more 5th grade art.  I’m sure that no one is happy with this decision but it was necessary.  The problem, no qualified teachers.  No money to pay them.

And let’s talk about technology.  Obviously our world is not going to go back to pen and paper anytime soon.  State tests are taken on computers and tablets for goodness sake.  But here’s my question, does every school have the technology to take them?  Does every school have a computer lab?  Our school does, but our PTSA raises money like crazy to make it possible.  Parents are funding the technology in many schools in Arizona.  So my question is, what about the districts where parents can’t fund the technology.  Do those kids not deserve it?  We want to pull people out of poverty but we aren’t giving kids a fair shake to learn the skills to do so.  It’s so frustrating.

What else is frustrating to me, you ask?  The current ads running with teachers saying they are so happy with the way education is going in AZ.  The ads that talk about all the money the government (aka Ducey) is adding to education.  Well…is he really adding it?  Or is it money that was there and being renewed?  If those facts were true, would we have the Red for Ed campaign?  I don’t think so.

I was away from Arizona for 13 years and saw education systems in 2 different states, one as a teacher and one as a parent.  What I can tell you is that I wasn’t looking forward to coming back to Arizona because of the public school system.  And I don’t plan on returning to the classroom anytime soon.  The demands and pressure our teachers have on them is unimaginable.  Between the testing and the meetings and the kids and the safety and the parents (yes, we can definitely make their lives more miserable), they are overworked and underpaid.  I compare it to a company Adam used to work for – “There’s this project we have and you have to do it.  Oh, but we can’t fund it for you so just figure it out.”  Expectations are set so high but we can’t fund them.  Last I checked, our teachers couldn’t multiple school supplies or turn paper into text books.

So, after all of this rambling what I am asking is that you do your research.  You get your facts straight.  Talk to your kids teacher.  Don’t have kids in school?  Chances are someone on your friends list is a teacher.  And I would bet that if you don’t personally know a teacher, you know someone who knows someone.  Everyone has a chance to talk to a teacher and I would encourage you to do so.  Talk to them about the hours they put in after school or the papers they grade at their kid’s practice.  Talk to them about the parents who expect them to raise their kids.  Ask them what supplies they need.  Ask them about the meetings they are required to attend and ask them whether they really get the whole summer off.  Ask them about what breaks their heart.  Teachers are willing to talk, if you are willing to listen.

Please don’t assume that because you went to school, you know what their life is like.  I’ve been to the doctor but I would never assume to know what their job is like or that I could do it.  You know what they say about assuming something…

So, if you stand with teachers in Arizona, on Wednesdays let’s wear Red for Ed!  Not only do they need it but our kids do…the same kids that will be running things when we are older.

We are flocking to people to tell us how to live with less.  That’s why the minimalist movement is so huge.  But at the same time, we can’t imagine living without that one “thing.”  So we go the opposite way and we end up keeping up.  We think that we are not those who are “keeping up with the Jones’s” but in fact, we are.  It is just SO easy to get caught up in it all.  And we deserve it, right?  We worked hard so we should get whatever “it” is.

The car that is 16 years old and still running but not looking as good as when you bought it compared to the shiny new cars all around you.  The house that isn’t as big as the houses in the next neighborhood.  The backyard that just isn’t as big as you dreamed for your growing kids.  The clothes that are not as stylish.  The vacation that isn’t happening.  The sport or lesson that your kids aren’t part of.  It goes on and on and on and somehow we get tangled in the mess of more, because “we deserve it.”

On the flip side, are our kids.  If we were to poll parents with kids in school, I would bet they would say they want their kids to have better than they did.  Can I suggest for a minute, that by giving our kids more than we had, especially in the form of stuff, we are creating a generation wrought with entitlement?  Merriam Webster defines entitlement as the “belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.” We all know the kid we think is entitled and disrespectful but do you ever stop to consider that it might be your kid?  It’s a tough reality.

But what do we expect from our kids when we have the nice cars, clothes, house, vacations, and bow to every whim so they have it “better?”  (And please don’t misunderstand me, in no way am I saying that the cars and clothes and house and vacations are bad.  We have taken some amazing vacations and have a great house and I’m just not into much beyond jeans and t-shirts with words…we are those people, too.)  What I am saying is that when we place value on those things, the things that keep up the appearances, we are teaching our kids that the stuff is what matters.  We are teaching them to follow the rules and be nice but the stuff is really important, and by the way, we want your life to be better than ours so we’re going to give you the stuff.

They are taking their cues from us.  That means we have to fight it tooth and nail.  We have to fight this crap more than ever because we are in fact, raising the entitled generation.  It breaks my heart to know that my kids are part of the problem but I want them to be part of the solution.  So I am taking a stand and saying no.

I don’t like it when I get the silent treatment from my kid because I didn’t stop for a donut.  Or the one who declares that I am mean because we didn’t go to Target.  Both of my kids let us know their disapproval of the dinner location.  No chicken fingers on the menu?!?!? We must be trying to kill them.  And as a parent, here’s the thing…it is easy to give into donuts and Target runs and restaurant changes because “it’s not a big deal.”  I mean they aren’t asking me for designer clothes or lobster.  What’s a donut, right?  But what we don’t stop to think is how we are forming behaviors and our kids are getting what they want, immediately.  And what happens when it is a party?  What happens when it is the boyfriend?  What happens when things get hard and real?

We’ve taught them that when we say no, they can whine a little or tells us they’re mad at us so our no becomes a yes.  And I have a hard reality to face because although I tell them no on the donut, I stop and get Starbucks and that is ok.  I am practicing “do as I say not as I do.”  I believe that I am entitled to Starbucks every once in a while or driving through for lunch or the new shorts because I need them (because the old ones don’t fit because I’ve eaten out and gone to Starbucks too much…but that’s a whole different post).

It’s time to practice not saying a word and having our kids impacted by our actions.  It’s time to take a long look at our lives because when you get to be an adult you suddenly “deserve” all of these things because you’ve worked hard.  We have actually become the entitled generation and now we are passing that along like a disease to our kids, but we’re mad at them about it.

I sit here, writing this, shaking my head because this is not what I want for my kids or for my family.  I want them to have more of my time and see less of the top of my head because I am on my phone.  I want them to have more of my attention and less of me asking what they said because I was distracted.  I want them to have more of me, not more stuff.

So today, I take a hard look at myself.  It isn’t an easy thing to do because I don’t want to see the ugliness I carry, no one does.  But until we see the problem, we can’t be part of the solution and though I’d like to think the problem lies with my kids, it starts right here.  For me, it looks like less time spent on my phone when my family is home, more time being productive when they are gone so that I can give them my attention when they are here.  It means listening and praying a lot because this mama can lose her patience sometime after 4pm, even when the kids have been at school all day.

I don’t know how it will all play out but it isn’t a surprise that my word for 2018 is intentional.  It’s time to pray our families up and be there, not giving them everything that is tangible, but giving them access to us, full access.  What would our world look like if we could put ourselves aside, truly aside and pursue our families.  What would our kids think if we truly invested in them with our time?  My son doesn’t ask me to play legos with him, probably because I’ve “told” him the dishes were more important.  That breaks my heart and I don’t want to experience that heartbreak anymore.

So here’s to being less entitled and more intentional.  Here’s to praying diligently for our kids and thanking Jesus for every minute we get with them.  Here’s to spending less and doing more!