Author: Katy Mordka

**I wrote this 2 years ago. I wish I could say that our country was not as divided as then but sadly it is more. We see selfish, entitled people all over the place. People still not able to be respectful with those they disagree with. I would have hoped that the climate in our country would be better but now pretty much everything is tense. There is tension everywhere you look. My prayer for today is that families are comforted, that people remember, and that our country can put aside the differences for even one day because this is bigger than any of us. Our lives, are bigger.

September 11, 2001 didn’t start out as a horrible day in America. I woke up in my apartment in Flagstaff, AZ and got ready for my 8am class. It was my last semester before student teaching and I was engaged and living with 3 roommates in a 2 bedroom (tiny) apartment. It was the best of times.
That morning, I called Adam because it was an “anniversary” for us. You see, our first date was 2 years before 9/11/99, so I called to remind him of that and tell him I loved him. On the other end I was greeted with “don’t you have the news on?” Not exactly the response I was hoping for but I turned the news on and was immediately horrified. In an instant that day changed for everyone living in the US. In an instant, it became the worst of times.
No words can describe the scenes and the horrific acts from that day. The people who were lost and the families that were forever impacted – I have no words. I mourn with you and remember your loved ones- daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, grandparents, friends, mentors. Good, good people were lost that day for no good reason.
The silver lining, as cliché as that sounds, was seeing people from all over step up and take care of one another. It didn’t matter where you grew up or what color your skin was or what you believed, people jumped in. It didn’t matter how much money you had or what your political affiliation was, people helped.
Today, 17 years later, our country is more divided than ever. We claim tolerance yet we are less tolerant than ever. We claim to accept yet we are less accepting than ever. We all have our beliefs, views, and opinions and that is what makes us who we are. We will never agree on everything 100%. It will not happen, we weren’t wired for that. But we need to step back and understand that while we may not agree, we don’t have to hate one another.
The political climate is appalling. We are failing our kids. We are teaching them that if people don’t see eye to eye with us, they are wrong. We are teaching our kids to fear other opinions and we are teaching them that their’s is the only one that matters. We are raising a selfish, entitled generation and that is our problem. We, as parents and teachers and aunts and uncles and grandparents and people, owe it to the generation that is looking up to us, to be better.
Let’s look back to the days following 9/11 where we stood for one thing and loved people no matter what and held doors open and said hello and thought about people other than ourselves. We owe it to the people who were lost on that horrible day, to do better than they encountered.
This world, this life, is not all about us. We are supposed to love people and I don’t care if you believe in God or believe in Jesus, like I do. You are still capable of loving people. You are still capable of listening to another opinion and respectfully disagreeing. As a Christian, I am called to love God and love people. I don’t always do it well, but I am trying. I am not fearful of your differing opinions. I am frustrated when I am not allowed to share my opinion because you are fearful of it.
Let’s get it together people! We have one life here, just one. What kind of legacy do you want to leave? Let’s take this 9/11 anniversary and think about those who were lost and the legacy they left. Some good, some maybe not. Some died as heroes. Straight up bosses, that didn’t think of themselves or their families but of the greater good. Let’s be bosses today and every day! Let’s get behind each other and support each other. Let’s love each other like never before. It’s about time!
Oh, and 19 years ago, I went on a date having no idea what it would become…I’m a pretty lucky girl.

Let’s be real.  These are crazy times in our world.  I keep going back to the fact that this isn’t just my city or state or even just in the United States.  This is worldwide.  

I vacillate between utter gratitude for health and safety and security to total sadness over the circumstances around us.  

I am thankful that for the most part, we are healthy and our family members are healthy. We are safe in our house. Outside of walks, bike rides, or taking a drive, Adam and the kids have been completely isolated since March 17th. I am the errand runner so I make it about 9 days and then have to get veggies or something like that. Adam’s job hasn’t really changed. It is relatively easy for him to work from home and there are not huge adjustments. He still gets paid every 2 weeks and we are very fortunate in that respect. None of this is lost on me.

My sadness runs deep.  I’m sad for my friends who are doctors and nurses.  They are literally living in basements or other rooms or other cities, away from their families.  My heart breaks for all of them.  I am sad for the decisions that doctors are faced with and the loss of what seems like patient after patient.  Is it even possible for them to come away unscathed?  I am sad for my friends who have lost people.  I’m sad for those I’ve lost, not COVID related, but still the loss of a friend.  I’m sad for my friends who have ended up in the ER and are now home doing everything they can to not end up back there.  I am sad for the loss of school and life as we know it.  I’m sad for seniors in high school and college, sad for kids ending one school and going to another.  Sad for no closure for teachers or students for this school year.  I’m sad that there will be no celebrations for teachers and principals retiring.  I am sad for a lot.

I don’t really know what to do with my sadness.  Where do you put it and how do you compartmentalize it?  I feel like I am the one in my house who has to hold it all together and try to maintain some sort of “normal.”  I am the responsible one:  the laundry, the school help, the regular chores, the occasional shopping trip, all the meals.  (And they are eating like 12 meals a day.  As soon as I get one cleaned up it is time for another.)  I don’t really get time to myself unless I hide and that usually only lasts for 5 minutes.  That sounds selfish, but I recharge with alone time.  Lately, it has consisted of taking a long shower and just crying.  It is my release.  I don’t know what else to do in the moment and I am so overwhelmed by all the things, so I just cry.

My approach is this – feel it and take a step.  There is no long-term plan, there is just the plan for the next hour.  I think there has only been 1 or 2 days in the last 3 weeks where I haven’t cried.  I just cannot believe this is our reality.  And the number of projected deaths…is that even something our minds can comprehend?  If you haven’t had a friend or family member diagnosed, just hang on because you will.  Those deaths are sons, daughters, parents, friends.  They are someone else’s person.  How do you even wrap your mind around it?

Despite my sadness, which completely coincides with my gratitude (somehow), I wake up every day and put on a smile and act like today will somehow be different when it all just feels like Groundhog Day.  I’m the mom.  I’m the one who has to make sure everyone else is ok.  I feel such a strong burden for my people.  This can catapult anyone into some form of depression, even the person who has never felt it before.  I am checking in with my kids constantly and they are doing ok.  But at 10, it’s hard to wrap your mind around it all.  And when you are turning 13 and you can’t celebrate with your friends, what do you do?

Our pastor, this morning, prayed for families and he prayed for moms who are weary.  I cried.  I am that mom.  I am weary and it is so hard to “snap out of it” when you don’t know when it will end.  There’s no light at the end of this tunnel.  I am weary and fighting a little bit of depression and I am keenly aware of all of it.

I don’t say any of this as a poor me statement or to get attention.  I’d really rather no one know.  I don’t need the “Are you ok?” question right now because one minute I am and the next, I’m not.  And there’s nothing you can do.  I don’t say any of this to contradict what I wrote last time about this being a time to reconnect and come together and be present as families.  That holds true, always.  I write this because I know that I am not alone.  I know that you are not ok either, not all the time.  I know that there are other people who don’t know how to walk this and don’t know what step is the next one and don’t know if it is ok to cry or scream or take a nap.

It’s ok to do all of those things.  I have cried in front of my family, with my kids.  My oldest got really sick, really fast and it scared the heck out of us.  The tension in our house for 48 hours could be cut with a knife.  Thankfully she is good, but man, it is ok to show the emotion.  It is ok for your kids to see that you are not Wonder Woman or Super Man.  Seeing you struggle gives them permission to struggle and then we can struggle through it together, because that is where growth happens.  It is ok to tell your kids to go read.  It is ok to give more screen time than normal.  Do what you need to do to keep moving.  This is hard and we have no precedent for any of it.  We are learning as we go.  Our teachers are learning as they go.  Everyone is.  You have permission to not be strong all the time.  Give some grace to yourself and the people around you.  We’re all going to snap at each other and handle things poorly, but make sure you go back and seek forgiveness.

I just said there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and while that is true given the current situation, because we don’t know when it will end, I do have a light.  The light who told me I would have trouble.  The light who holds me when I just can’t keep moving.  The light who causes the sun to rise every morning.  I have to say, if I did not have Jesus, I don’t know what I would do.  I don’t think I could have hope without Him.  He is the only hope we have in all of this.  I can keep going because I can cast all my burdens on Him.  I can take the next step because He holds me and I know that He is listening.  I know that he sees me.  He sees my gratitude, my sadness, my sorrow, and my weariness.  He sees what my family needs.  He holds it all and that means I don’t have to.

So, I guess I’ll wrap it up by saying, its’ ok.  It’s ok to feel all the feelings.  It’s ok to have a big ugly cry.  Give yourself permission to feel the things but don’t stay there.  And if you can’t seem to move, let me know.  I do a lot of praying and would love to pray for you.  If you don’t know Jesus, google some bible verses.  Let me know if you don’t have a bible, Amazon is still delivering.  If there was ever a time to need some hope, now is it.  And what better hope than the one who conquered death and knows you and loves you?

P.S. Here’s my list of things that help me-

• Pray. (you don’t have to have the right words, just talk)
• Isaiah 41:10, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.”
• Call a friend.  (I’ve talked to my friend in Indiana more in the last few weeks than the last few months…she is a life line for me.  She lets me say it, but she doesn’t let me sit there and wallow.  Who do you have?)
• Funny memes.  (I’ve got a ton, I’ll send some.  I think I’ll make a book of them when this is done.)
• Worship music.  (If you need suggestions, let me know, I have a good playlist on Spotify.)
• A good cry.
• Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
• A hot shower.  Get ready for the day like you are leaving the house.  (At least 3x a week.)
• Sleep.  Because we can wake up with fresh perspective.  Lamentations 3:22-24, “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for his mercies never end.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!  I say, “The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in him.”

I’ve not written in a long time.  I guess I’ve struggled with feeling like I have anything worthwhile to say…But this morning, when I sat down to watch church in my living room, I was hit with something to say.

Our church in Phoenix is pretty large, mega church if you will.  They made the decision last week to cancel all in person weekend services.  Each campus gathers at least 250 people which would be irresponsible.  Our pastor did tell us to gather in small groups, which reminded me of how the church got its start in the first place.  (And if you’re looking for a great message during this time, go here and listen.  It is not by accident that the sermon series planned for this time fits so perfectly with all that is going on.)

It comes as no surprise that the world we are living in, is unlike anything we’ve seen.  I cannot remember a time where entire seasons have been canceled and countries have essentially been closed.  Quarantine is a word our kids will all know and schools all over are closing doors.  It is just part of life right now.  And we do not stay away because we are worried about getting sick or contracting Covid-19, we stay away because we don’t want to pass it, unknowingly, to people who are at higher risk.

So here is where I feel like I have something to say.  I thought about the old testament and second chances.  Take Jonah for example.  Jonah 1:1 says, “The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: ‘Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.’”  As the story goes, Jonah went the opposite direction, ended up in the belly of a fish, got a second chance, and ended up in Nineveh doing what God asked in the first place.  The result was this- Jonah 3:10, “When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened.”

We see here that not only did Jonah get a second chance, so did the people of Nineveh.

Maybe this is our time.  Maybe this is God’s way of giving us a second chance.  Maybe not to preach to a nation but to be kind to our neighbor.  Kindness comes in the form of a roll of toilet paper right now. 

Maybe this is the time when our families come back together.  We are essentially being “forced” into togetherness.  We can see it as a massive inconvenience and irritation or an opportunity.  Play games with your kids, color, craft, cook.  Teach your kids how to do laundry.  Turn up everyone’s favorite song and clean the house.  Pick everyone’s favorite movie and watch one every day.  Go in the backyard and play.  Go for a walk.

The way I see it, is this.  We are being given a huge opportunity to reconnect.  Your family needs you engaged and if you haven’t been, this is your opportunity.  Your teen does really want to play the game even if they roll their eyes and act like you are forcing them.  Your kids want to color with you.  Your friend wants to hear your voice over the phone.  Life is slowing down and in our fast paced country, this is a gift.

I’ve seen it on many social media posts and my family is no different.  If you need something, let us know.  If we have it, we will share it.  If you need someone to go to the store for you, we will go.  If you need someone to pray for you, we will.  For now, we are proceeding with spring break 2.0 where we will look at each other and laugh and play games and eat hot dogs.  We will enjoy one another and not dread the weeks to come.  We will pray for those medical professionals that are fighting the good fight, who keep coming into work, who keep hospitals going every day.  We will pray that the world is healed and that in the meantime, we can take our cues from Italy and open our windows and sing together.  

If you’re like me, you grew up and became a productive member of society.  Maybe it took you longer, but you’re here now, working, paying taxes, voting, and contributing.

If you’re like me, you have people in your life who love you.  Whether friends, family, teachers, kids, coworkers, or someone else, someone loves you.

If you’re like me, you’ve faced some things in your life.  Maybe more, maybe less, but something that has caused pain or heartache and maybe you’re wondering why.

If you’re like me, you think that you’ve failed.  A lot.

If you’re like me, you have 20/20 vision with the negatives but lack all sight with the positive.

If you’re like me, you may read and sing about being free but you don’t feel it, not always.

If you’re like me, your race consists of running from one thing to the next but it is all in circle. You dizzy yourself searching for something to offset the narrative in your mind.  The one that says you’re not enough.

If you’re like me, you think about starting a counseling fund for your children rather than a college fund because surely, you’re messing it all up and they will need professional help.

If you’re like me, you’re tired and you need rest.

What if I told you I knew where you could get it?  What if I told you that the narrative that played like a loop in my mind, doesn’t anymore?  What if I told you there was a way to be free, for real?

It’s not easy.  It takes constant and consistent work.  It takes digging deep and going back to read some of your hardest chapters.  You know, the ones you were so thankful to be done with and swore never to revisit?  It is ignoring those dust covered chapters that is robbing you of freedom and stealing your joy.

What if I told you it was all possible?

Would you accept the invitation?

I wish we were sitting across the table from one another talking.  I would invite you to The Well.

When Jesus met the Samaritan woman, he did at a well.  Isn’t it ironic that we have so much to fill us in this life yet we are empty and needing to be filled?  I invite you to come and be filled.  Not by any person but by Jesus who is the living water.  Come get your thirst quenched.

I’ve had a few different blogs over the last 10 or so years. Nothing that was ever anything more than it is now. I would write and then hit a season of busy and it would fall to the wayside.

When we moved back to AZ 2 years ago, Transplanting Back Home seemed perfect! But then I began to realize I have more to say than just moving and making an old home, new. I decided to get rid of transplantingbackhome.com and after a lot of thought I’ve just gone with katymordka.com

I know…super creative, right? Haha! I just couldn’t come up with anything that was available that also wasn’t super specific, so here we are.

I will probably do a little “remodeling” (which means the banner will probably change) but nothing major. It will still be me writing my thoughts about whatever…the good, the bad, and the ugly. The goal (which really, has always been the same) is to write more than once a month.

I saw the movie Unstoppable the other day. It is a documentary about Bethany Hamilton. I know you’ve heard of her but if it doesn’t come back quickly, she was the girl who was attacked by a Tiger Shark while surfing off of Tunnels Beach in Kauai. (Side note, we snorkeled there this summer! With turtles!) She lost her left arm in the attack abut didn’t let it define her or slow her down. She adapted and surfed again and is one of the most amazing people. One of my take aways was how she set a goal and was so laser focused on it. I do not have that gift. I let a lot of things get in the way of my goals (to the point that I stopped setting them long ago). I let sleep deprivation and laziness and the needs of everyone else get in the way. So, this (school) year…I’m going to be more intentional. Setting goals that are challenging but attainable. Writing more is one of them.

So, please start praying for me because it will take everything I’ve got to meet the goals I set! I’m kidding…no, I’m not. Pray for me. (But let’s not get crazy, kids are still home so goal setting/achieving goes into full affect when school starts again.)

Talk soon, friends!

As a parent, you want your kids to contribute positively to society, be a kind person, get a job, do the right thing. As a Jesus following parent, you want your kids to make the decision to follow Jesus. The kicker to the whole Jesus following kids is that you, if you’re like me, want them to make the decision on their own.

I don’t want my kids to wake up one morning in college and decide that the whole Christianity thing isn’t really for them. I don’t want them to ever think they went to church and checked the boxes because that is what I wanted for them. I want them to want it. I want them to decide on their own. I want them to question and dig deep so they come to the conclusion that God is who He says He is and He can be trusted. I did all the questioning in college and my mom encouraged me through it. She never once abandoned me or told me I should just believe because. She sent me things I could research and I am pretty sure she prayed a lot. And through that experience, I came out stronger with a believe in Christ that is all my own.

My daughter was 7 years old when she was baptized and we actually tried to deter her. She was young and it wasn’t that she didn’t understand, we just thought it would be better if she understood more. Reagan came home from Summer Rocks (our church’s version of VBS) and knew we were going to the final day “celebration” that night. She also knew there would be an opportunity for her to be baptized. I had the paper they send home with all the parents explaining baptism and what to ask your kid to make sure they understand. We asked all the questions and she answered all the questions but we still told her another time.

My son was a little different story. He would make comments (often) about not wanting to go to church but he was too young to stay home and so he would go. He didn’t have a choice about whether to go to church or not but he did have a choice of what to believe. I think he was taken back when I said, “I don’t know if you believe in God or not, but I believe…” when we were talking before bed. I don’t know for sure but I am guessing that in that moment, he realized I wasn’t going to force him to believe anything nor did I assume that just because we did, he did too.

He turned 7 and it was all I could do not to compare my kids. She was baptized when she was 7, why not him? Why was he not making the decision? What was I doing wrong as a parent?

The reality is, Will is not Reagan. He thinks differently and processes differently and that is ok. I rested knowing that God had him and one day, he would make the decision to follow Jesus and be baptized to show the world.

One prayer that I have been praying since my kids were babies was that the Lord would be speaking to them, even as tiny babies. My prayer was that they would learn to recognize His voice so when He called them, they would know it and listen. It was a sheep and Shepherd kind of thing. With that prayer, I could rest and be patient.

Last month, Will went to camp with our church. He is one lucky kid because Adam went with him as a camp counselor. At camp Will heard about God being there, always, and he heard about next steps. For some kids, it was simply learning more about Jesus. For others it was deciding to follow Him. For others it was being baptized or serving. That was the night Will decided, on his own, to be baptized. The perk of having your husband as a camp counselor is that you get pictures and updates and when I read the words that Will wanted to be baptized, I got teary.

 Just a couple weeks ago, Will was baptized, by Adam, with lots of family and friends watching. We can cheer him on now and always. The best part about this, is he never heard it as an expectation from us. He never heard it as something we wanted him to do. Of course we did but more than that, we wanted him to make the decision on his own.

Now both of my kids are Christ followers and there is nothing, as a mom, I want more than that. We are all on the same page and we can talk about how we live and treat people and I can always bring it back to the decision they made.

I continue to pray that they would hear God’s voice over everything else! That it would be the loudest influence in their life. I am also praying that it is the loudest influence in my life because I know they are watching me closely. They watch how I spend my time. They watch how I react to situations. They listen to how I talk about people or speak to people. They are watching to see how Adam and I interact and treat each other. They are watching to see if I am doing what I ask them to do. They are always watching and listening and I need to step it up.

This parenting gig gets harder and harder the older kids get. It’s a different kind of hard, an emotional and mental challenge. Stay strong parents! Encourage your kids to make decisions because they know right from wrong. Let them stumble, it is how they learn. Be there without judgement when they need you. Show them by your actions and words how to treat people and behave. Even as they get older, they are watching. Give yourself grace and be gracious with others. And let’s be there for each other rather than being the one upper. (And if you don’t know who the one upper is in your life, maybe take a long hard look in the mirror.)

We’ve got this because God’s got us! And aren’t you so glad He does?!?!

There are all these great songs about summer (cue DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince as well as Bryan Adams and a whole host of other artists) but I’m not sure any of them capture my thoughts as a stay at home summer mom.

Because as excited as I am that my kids are home for the summer and we have no homework and no practice and half the schedule we did weeks ago, there is a little part of me that dreads it. My thoughts go something like this; I am not sure if I am going to make it through the summer with my kids home.  I am not sure if we are all going to survive.  I am not sure I will do much more than fail all summer long.  I am not sure if I will be fun enough.

And, what about taking time for myself?  I need my space and my alone time.  I want to work out.  I feel better when I do.  But I am also the person that feels like I am a stay at home mom to be a mom, and I should be available every minute for my kids.  It’s kind of like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.  “Be with your kids.” “Take care of yourself.” I have a lot of those moments in my life.  

What is the happy medium? Do I take the time to work out? Do I take the minutes to myself? Do we get fun mom all summer long? (Who really isn’t fun mom because she is running on empty.)

We have a list of things the kids have to do before they can push a power button of any kind (tv, tablet, etc.).  It includes things like making their bed and eating breakfast, doing a specific chore around the house, reading, things like that.  But the day seems really long when all chores are done by 9am and they are ready to go. They come to me and ask, “what are we going to do today?”

I hear Billy Joel singing, “I am the entertainer…” but I don’t want to be the entertainer.  I want them to entertain themselves and clean up after themselves and let me shower without being asked 5 different questions.

When did this happen, that we had to make summer over the top fun all the time.  My mom didn’t do that for us.  Sure, we did fun things. We had a pool and we played with our friends but there was also a list of things that needed to be done before we did anything else.  My mom didn’t worry about whether we should go to the movie or the water park or what camp is better.  She didn’t worry about having a friend over all the time to save us from boredom.  Why do we?  

Who wrote the rule that says everything about the summer has to be bucket list worthy?  Probably the same person that came up with Pinterest.  Don’t get me wrong – I love Pinterest and I love doing fun, special things with my kids, but all the time? All summer long?  Who has the energy for that?  And who has the budget for it?

(And if you are one of those Pinterest everything, bucket list loving moms, my hat goes off to you!  If that is something you truly enjoy, I enjoy seeing all of your pictures on face place and insta.  If that’s you, you can stop reading now.  But if you are the mom who is doing all the things because you’re just trying to keep up, maybe you should keep reading.)

I guess what I’m saying is no.  It’s ok if we stay home all day and do nothing out of the ordinary.  I’m even going to say it is ok if we spend the day watching tv.  It doesn’t happen often so it’s ok if we go with it.  It’s ok if we eat cereal for 3 meals and stay in our pajamas.  That’s allowed every once in a while. 

I haven’t said these out loud or really even thought of them before now but I’m declaring these statements, my summer decree.

Here they are:

1. Get the work done.  Work is good for you.  You’re going to need to know how to clean a toilet and do your laundry.  Start practicing now.  
2. I’m going to work out a few days a week. It’s sanity for me. You are going to stay home and clean the toilets.
3. We’re going to sit down and read for 30 minutes. Maybe not every day, but a lot of days. I like to read, too.
4. I’m not the entertainer, Billy Joel is. Don’t ask me what to do because I will have you scrub baseboards.
5. I love you but I am not required by law to take you to the movies or the water park. (But don’t worry, we’ll go plenty because I’ve already paid for it.)
6. Play with your brother.  Play with your sister.  You don’t need a friend over all the time.
7. I love you but I would love you more if you slept until 7:30am.

So, here’s to summer fellow moms.  I think it is ok to admit that we may go crazy and we may lose it and we may fail.  Shoot, we may make a paper chain to count down to the first day of school.  It’s all ok.  I’m not a Pinterest mom and I’m not a bucket list everything mom.  I’m just a mom who really loves my kids but wants the best for everyone which means sanity time for me and learning to be a decent, hard working human for them.

Whatever camp you fall into, just do you.  It’s what I tell my kids, too.  Just do you- you’re not me and I’m not you.  There is something incredibly beautiful about that.  So, since you’re not me, what would be part of your summer decree?  Some may be the same (because, great minds!) and some may be different (because duh, we’re different) but I’d love to hear them! Drop them in the comments so we can cheer each other on!

I often find myself feeling misunderstood. Well, probably not as much now as I did when I was a kid but there have been plenty of times where I wasn’t sure if someone “got me.” Sometimes I speak in a way where people who don’t know me, could think I was a really horrible person.

For me, being misunderstood leads to so many questions. What if it they don’t understand what I’m saying?  What if they tell someone else?  What if I write something that doesn’t convey what I think it does?   What if they judge me for my words?  What if they find out I have no idea what I am doing and most days I feel like a total fraud? What if I fail?

The what if questions are suffocating.  They hold your head down while you are under water trying desperately to catch a breath. If I focus too much on the what if questions I find myself sitting in the corner of my kitchen crying, trying to breathe.  These what if questions are the stuff nightmares are made of.  I think the what if’s give birth to fear.  And fear sidelines you so fast you can’t even think about it.  Even sitting here typing this, typing the questions and thinking about the fears my breathing is labored.  The what if’s breed fear because they are all based on unknowns and fear likes the unknowns.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live sidelined anymore.  I don’t want to be living in fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I want to dream the big dreams and do it because, why not?!?  I don’t want to be the person that puts on my Sunday best and then hangs it up when I get home.  I want Jesus walking with me in my yoga pants.  (And I don’t even do yoga!)  I just want to be myself, unashamed and unafraid.  Fear has nothing on you if you don’t let it.  I don’t want to worry about coming across to churchy.  I don’t want to be churchy.  I want to be love.  Jesus was love.  He loved people better than anyone in the history of the earth.  Not many of us would forgive the people who beat us and hung us to die but that’s the love Jesus showed.

So who’s with me?  Can you imagine what the world would be like if we stopped worrying about offending someone and just loved them?  What would it be like if we stopped arguing about every little difference and just loved each other?  What if we didn’t worry about being misunderstood and just loved people and let people love us? I am going to go out on a limb here and say it would be flipping amazing!!  Let’s get in the game already and stop asking the questions and just do it!  Let’s go before the clock runs out!

We’ve all heard it.

You’re at your kid’s game and there are parents muttering under their breath (and sometimes louder) about the ref’s call or the coach’s decision.  We’ve all heard it and maybe we are the guilty party.  I know I’ve made comments about bad calls or decisions.

At one of my kid’s games this season one of the parents was upset with the official’s calls during the game and confronted the official after the game.  Now, I understand where this parent was coming from but the thing that made me sad is that the team saw.

When my kid got in the car, the comment was made that they lost because of the unfair calls.  I was quick to correct this.  They lost because they didn’t play well.  A couple missed calls wasn’t going to change the outcome of the game.

I hear it at school. A parent of a child who stole some of my kid’s things earlier in the year said it wasn’t her child’s fault. It was my kid’s fault because she left her things in the class.  And although I don’t think it was entirely my kid’s fault, we did have the conversation about being more responsible.

A friend posted on social media this morning that his kid didn’t make the travel team. He went on to add that there was no shortage of parents complaining about the process and policies. Another case of parents looking for someone to blame.  My friend is teaching his kid that he can bounce back from this and that hockey doesn’t define him.  This right here, is parenting.

SO many of us get caught up in the “my kid has to be the best” game that we forget they are tiny humans who mess up and do things wrong.  We are always looking for the reason why.  Why did they fail the test?  Why didn’t they make the team?  Our kids are hearing us say that teacher didn’t send home a study guide or Johnny’s dad is friends with the coach so he made the team because of that, and I’m going to go our on a limb here, but I don’t think that is what our kids need from us.

Where we go wrong as parents is with these comments.  We blame someone else because we can’t bear to think that our kid did something wrong or isn’t good enough.  We don’t just do it with them, we do it with our own lives too.  We don’t want to feel less than and we don’t want to admit that maybe we were wrong about something so we lay blame.  “That’s not what I thought this relationship would look like.” “My boss just doesn’t have realistic deadlines and doesn’t realize how busy I am.”

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is to teach them to take responsibility for their actions.  This is rare.  It is like Bigfoot, rare.  We need to stop blaming the teacher, the coach, the principal, the friend, the ref, the other kid at school.  We need to take a solid look at our roll in the situation and get honest.  You’re not perfect.  Your kid is not perfect.  Wouldn’t you rather they learn the hard lessons now?  I’d much rather my kid not make the team or fail the test now and learn how to work hard to accomplish a goal, than have everything handed to them and flounder in a new job when they are fresh out of college.

Our kids need to know what to do when they fail.  They are going to fail.  We all do. Will we accept it?  Will we examine and take responsibility for our part? Will we teach our kids to take responsibility or will we continue to turn a blind eye to everything they do? I don’t know about you but I’m teaching my kids responsibility.  And I’m calling them out when they’re shits.  Sorry for the language but I am not naïve enough to think my kids are perfect outside my walls.  They are tiny humans who make mistakes.  Their mistakes don’t define them but how they handle those mistakes says a lot about their character. I would rather my kids be the ones with great character than the ones that passed every test and made every team.

I’m in the middle of Jennie Allen’s book, Made for This. It is a study, designed to walk you through different questions and activities to discover the purpose God has for you. (I’m not doing it justice with that description by the way…you should just read it and see for yourself!)

If you know me, you know I’m a pretty big fan of hers because she is real. There is an authenticity that comes through her words on the page and if you hear her speak, her heart aches for you to understand the message. I share her ache. The ache you have for someone to just get it! And not because you’re telling them, because you’ve experienced it.

She is big on discipling. After all, that is what we are supposed to do, right? She puts an emphasis on other women discipling younger women as well, because we have something to share. I learned this first hand.

I spent last weekend in South Carolina with an amazing group of women, leading at The Well. (Something we refer to as “not your average women’s retreat.”) I am so incredibly fortunate to lead with an amazing group of women. These friends come for you and say the tough stuff when it is needed. And even though it is the tough stuff, it is it bathed in love. And it isn’t all serious- we laugh more than most! It is a privilege to stand beside women who are a season or two ahead of me, and a season or two behind me.

After this weekend away, I am even more convinced that we need to stop worrying about having it all figured out before we share our story. First, we won’t ever achieve it- that’s perfection and it is unattainable. Second, they need to hear what we’ve been through, struggled with, succeeded in. Let someone else learn from your story.

There are three girls, ages 18-20, who I love so, so dearly! They are the real deal! They are wise beyond their years and walk so closely with the Lord. You can see His love ooze from them. I am pretty sure I see His smile in theirs.

It would be really easy for me to keep all the stupid mistakes and gross parts of my story under wraps because I don’t want them (or anyone) to think bad of me. I don’t want anyone to question my love and devotion to Jesus. But, those three amazing girls sat there and told all of us (old ladies) how thankful they were for our authenticity. They need to see other Christian women speaking the hard stuff. And we get real. There is no hiding on this team of women. We talked about dating and marriage and kids and how we struggled.

So back to Made for This– Jennie uses 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 which says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort of we ourselves receive from God.”

You guys! This verse tells us we need to share our stories. We need to offer the comfort we have received because someone else needs it as well. Think of it this way, walking through stuff gives you street cred. Urban Dictionary defines street credibility as “commanding a level of respect in an urban environment due to experience in or knowledge of issues affecting those environments.” Your stuff is a gift.  It doesn’t feel like a gift and you may not see it as one, but someone else will benefit from it if you let them. If you share it, they will share it, and you can comfort!

Jesus had street cred. He was fully God but he was also fully man. He felt pain and probably skinned his knee a time or two. He fasted for 40 days and 40 nights so of course he felt hunger. He was betrayed and denied by his closest friends.  He knows what we are walking through on this earth. And by allowing troubles to come to us, He is giving us two gifts.  The first is the gift of coming to Him with our junk.  He knows all the things, He has experienced it all and He tells us to bring our burdens to Him. He wants to carry then for us and He is walking next to us. He holds you by His mighty right hand.  The second is allowing our junk for someone else’s benefit.  We may get to the other side or we may not, but we can be honest and walk alongside someone else.  We have the street cred now and it can a gift to someone else.  He is giving us time with Him and giving us the ability to show someone else how faithful He is because of what we’ve walked through.

What are you going to do? The beauty of God is that He gives us choices. Are you going to own your street cred?  Are you going to see it as a blessing or another thing that has gone wrong? Remember, God works ALL things together for good.

Share your stuff. Someone needs to hear it! God gave you the street cred to use for His glory.