Have you heard the song, Only Jesus?  It’s a new one from Casting Crowns.

I had my Amazon music on the Elevation Worship channel the other day and all of a sudden this song comes on.  Can I just tell you it speaks to everything I am thinking, feeling, processing right now?

“Make it count, leave a mark, build a name for yourself

Dream your dreams, chase your heart, above all else

Make a name the world remembers”

Isn’t this what we’re told? Leave a legacy, make a mark, make YOUR mark, chase your dreams.

I have to tell you I’ve been on the struggle bus the last few weeks, maybe longer.  I’ve struggled with the fear that my life won’t matter; that I will leave this earth not having made an impact.  Now before you go commenting that my life matters and I’ve made (or will make) an impact, let me stop you because this isn’t’ a compliment fishing post.  I’m not all about that.  If you want to tell me something I won’t stop you, but please know that I am good.

It’s this song.  “Jesus is the ONLY name to remember.”  That right there, crushed every single fear I’ve been holding.  Because at the end of the day, if I haven’t loved people the way Jesus loves me and pointed them back to him, I have failed.

My job on this earth isn’t to set out to accomplish something huge.  My job is to love God and love people from that overflow of love. Sounds really simple, right?  What I’m finding is that it is simple but not easy.

We live in a “do more” world.  To do lists everywhere and check marks galore.  It is where we compare schedules with each other and award ourselves for being busier than the other person but still holding it together.  (Because let’s face it, we all crack at some point.)  But what does all of this matter?  At the end of the day, what did I accomplish if I did not take time to be present with my family?  What did I accomplish if I checked my phone in the middle of our conversation?  (And sadly, yes, I am TOTALLY guilty of that.)  This is why it is not easy…because we are too busy. I am too busy.

The simple part is that all it takes is spending time with Jesus.  We can read and we can talk and we can listen and just be present.  How are we supposed to have a relationship if we aren’t taking the time to cultivate it?  Think about any relationship you have, you have to take the time to be together to get to know one another.  It’s time, which seems to be scarce these days.

I guess what I am trying to say as I somehow find my way through this post is that my life matters because I love Jesus and He loves me.  And it’s because of that love that I can love other people (which I am still working on…I am human).  But I am aware that my mission in life is to love and to be present.  Just putting words to it makes me feel better and less pressured.  I don’t have to do anything grand or great in this life.  When I’m gone, I want people to say that I took time for them and loved them well.  And this starts with my family.  Sadly, they get the leftovers and that is not the way I want it to go.  I have found myself lingering at bedtime with my kids and just talking about random things but I am seeing how creative they still are.  And I am seeing how they get along and work together and it is pretty awesome!  I am having conversations, hard ones sometimes, with my kids and with Adam.  That man is the exact right person for me. God knew it and I am SO thankful for that!  And let’s face it, if I can sit on the couch next to him at the end of the day, I am happy. These are my people and I am going to be better about giving them my best.  They deserve it.

And friends, I want to love you well.  I want to meet needs you may have but I will fail and I will miss something and miss the boat (insert grace).  But please know one area where I won’t miss the boat is if you ask me to pray.  I LOVE praying for my friends.  There is nothing like storming the gates on behalf of someone I love (or a total stranger because I’ve done a lot of that, too)! Please know you are deeply loved and it is not because of who I am, but because of who Jesus is.