We are flocking to people to tell us how to live with less.  That’s why the minimalist movement is so huge.  But at the same time, we can’t imagine living without that one “thing.”  So we go the opposite way and we end up keeping up.  We think that we are not those who are “keeping up with the Jones’s” but in fact, we are.  It is just SO easy to get caught up in it all.  And we deserve it, right?  We worked hard so we should get whatever “it” is.

The car that is 16 years old and still running but not looking as good as when you bought it compared to the shiny new cars all around you.  The house that isn’t as big as the houses in the next neighborhood.  The backyard that just isn’t as big as you dreamed for your growing kids.  The clothes that are not as stylish.  The vacation that isn’t happening.  The sport or lesson that your kids aren’t part of.  It goes on and on and on and somehow we get tangled in the mess of more, because “we deserve it.”

On the flip side, are our kids.  If we were to poll parents with kids in school, I would bet they would say they want their kids to have better than they did.  Can I suggest for a minute, that by giving our kids more than we had, especially in the form of stuff, we are creating a generation wrought with entitlement?  Merriam Webster defines entitlement as the “belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.” We all know the kid we think is entitled and disrespectful but do you ever stop to consider that it might be your kid?  It’s a tough reality.

But what do we expect from our kids when we have the nice cars, clothes, house, vacations, and bow to every whim so they have it “better?”  (And please don’t misunderstand me, in no way am I saying that the cars and clothes and house and vacations are bad.  We have taken some amazing vacations and have a great house and I’m just not into much beyond jeans and t-shirts with words…we are those people, too.)  What I am saying is that when we place value on those things, the things that keep up the appearances, we are teaching our kids that the stuff is what matters.  We are teaching them to follow the rules and be nice but the stuff is really important, and by the way, we want your life to be better than ours so we’re going to give you the stuff.

They are taking their cues from us.  That means we have to fight it tooth and nail.  We have to fight this crap more than ever because we are in fact, raising the entitled generation.  It breaks my heart to know that my kids are part of the problem but I want them to be part of the solution.  So I am taking a stand and saying no.

I don’t like it when I get the silent treatment from my kid because I didn’t stop for a donut.  Or the one who declares that I am mean because we didn’t go to Target.  Both of my kids let us know their disapproval of the dinner location.  No chicken fingers on the menu?!?!? We must be trying to kill them.  And as a parent, here’s the thing…it is easy to give into donuts and Target runs and restaurant changes because “it’s not a big deal.”  I mean they aren’t asking me for designer clothes or lobster.  What’s a donut, right?  But what we don’t stop to think is how we are forming behaviors and our kids are getting what they want, immediately.  And what happens when it is a party?  What happens when it is the boyfriend?  What happens when things get hard and real?

We’ve taught them that when we say no, they can whine a little or tells us they’re mad at us so our no becomes a yes.  And I have a hard reality to face because although I tell them no on the donut, I stop and get Starbucks and that is ok.  I am practicing “do as I say not as I do.”  I believe that I am entitled to Starbucks every once in a while or driving through for lunch or the new shorts because I need them (because the old ones don’t fit because I’ve eaten out and gone to Starbucks too much…but that’s a whole different post).

It’s time to practice not saying a word and having our kids impacted by our actions.  It’s time to take a long look at our lives because when you get to be an adult you suddenly “deserve” all of these things because you’ve worked hard.  We have actually become the entitled generation and now we are passing that along like a disease to our kids, but we’re mad at them about it.

I sit here, writing this, shaking my head because this is not what I want for my kids or for my family.  I want them to have more of my time and see less of the top of my head because I am on my phone.  I want them to have more of my attention and less of me asking what they said because I was distracted.  I want them to have more of me, not more stuff.

So today, I take a hard look at myself.  It isn’t an easy thing to do because I don’t want to see the ugliness I carry, no one does.  But until we see the problem, we can’t be part of the solution and though I’d like to think the problem lies with my kids, it starts right here.  For me, it looks like less time spent on my phone when my family is home, more time being productive when they are gone so that I can give them my attention when they are here.  It means listening and praying a lot because this mama can lose her patience sometime after 4pm, even when the kids have been at school all day.

I don’t know how it will all play out but it isn’t a surprise that my word for 2018 is intentional.  It’s time to pray our families up and be there, not giving them everything that is tangible, but giving them access to us, full access.  What would our world look like if we could put ourselves aside, truly aside and pursue our families.  What would our kids think if we truly invested in them with our time?  My son doesn’t ask me to play legos with him, probably because I’ve “told” him the dishes were more important.  That breaks my heart and I don’t want to experience that heartbreak anymore.

So here’s to being less entitled and more intentional.  Here’s to praying diligently for our kids and thanking Jesus for every minute we get with them.  Here’s to spending less and doing more!